Soundwaves... Confessions of a Deaf Person

In 1983, there were no ultrasound yet if there is then it was not widely known yet in the philippines. On the day I was born, I could not come out the normal way and that caesarian was the option. It turned out that the umbilical cord was wrapped around my body and neck. After taking me out, the doctor have said i'm fine and healthy.

I was sitting on the foot of my grandfather's bed, watching tv when he was calling me. I wouldn't respond.

I was sitting on my mother's lap in a car when she was calling me and I wouldn't respond.

I have been told that similar situtations have happened often and that it took 3 doctors to find out what was wrong with me. The first 2 doctors have said that I am autistic but my grandfather and my father disagreed. The 3rd doctor have said that I may not be autistic and so referred me to an otologist. It was in 1986 that I was discovered deaf by Dr. Carlos Reyes through several tests. Also the first time that I wore hearing aids. I never asked what my parents reaction was but all I know is that they have done everything they could for me to be as normal as possible.

My parents would often question why i was able to say words before i learnt to listen/hear. I would be able to say, "water", "milk" etc but never in a sentence. Dr. Carlos Reyes have mentioned that I may have heard sounds through soundwaves. Especially, when my mother would read a book aloud and i would lie on her shoulder, i was able to hear a bit.

I was a happy child growing up. I hung mostly with my grandparents, uncles and a mixed breed dog named Rambo. My parents sent me to a speech therapist named Julie to help me speak in sentence and "hear" words or letters. From them on, I became fluent in speaking. My parents wanted me to go to a normal school but only one school was able to accept me however, because i was 6 that time and they can only accept 7 year olds, despite the fact that school starts in june and my birthday is in august, they wanted me to wait one more year to enter. So we did. At that time, i met Francis Kaye, who was a neighbor and we became best friends. I also met other kids but were way older than me. I remember a marco, alan and cecile who would babysit me on days my yaya (nanny) or parents aren't around. I remember going to their houses and would have lunch or dinner and then just hang around. They were practically like family to me. Francis Kay was my partner in crime when we were kids. We were never the type who would play barbie dolls but would play active games that would make you sweat and/or bleed from tripping.

After a year, i finally went to a private school. I was so nervous but at the same time excited. There was a school bus who would go to the house and pick me and my yaya up and take us to school and back home. I met great people in that school but later on, they would start to tease me and bully me for either not hearing them or misunderstand a word they are saying. They would call me "Bingi" which means Deaf. They call me that instead of my name. I didn't like it but i felt alone there. The only people who would understand me and help me were some teachers. I remember Sister Edith. She was my teacher in General Conduct and Religion. She often talks to me and ask how i am and would always tell me to continue standing strong despite students insulting me. I was never happy in that school, always angry and was always afraid of speaking but i did well in class. Well not all subjects... just those that I am good at.

Every summer, i would attend speech classes. I was put into a class where everyone cannot speak well and uses sign language as their medium of communication. I was left alone and was very bored coz i always perfect every exercises and didn't know sign language to talk to anyone in that class. I did play on occasion with Philip and others but their yaya's would translate to me what they are saying. Teacher Julie, decided to pull me out of class and give a one on one session instead. I don't know why my parents don't want me to learn sign language but thinking about it, i would want to learn.

We moved to a bigger house and i met new friends. They were all good to me and we played and hung around almost everyday. They would ask me about my hearing problem but i was a bit uncomfortable talking about it but eventually, i understood that it is not something they understand and so, by sharing with them my experience, they would, at some point, understand. My friends in this village where my family moved in, have always treated me as normal as possible. I remember that after school, i was happy to see them as they never teased me or bully me for being deaf. Up to this day, we are good friends still.

Few years later, a very good teacher of mine told my mum about me being called deaf and being teased about it. My mother confronted me and asked me about it. I was scared that i just wrote her a card. She then complained to the principal and transferred me to an exclusive private school, one of the PAREF schools. That school at first didn't want to accept me in the beginning because of my deafness but my mother defended me saying that i am as normal as other students. I play tennis and other sports, i listen to music, read, do art and so on. I guess the principal felt bad that they decided to accept me. I was again, nervous.

School started and i was introduced in front of the class. Everyone was really good to me and helpful. They were told about my disability during introduction. They asked questions and i guess talking about it to people who have no idea what it's like felt good. They all called me by my first name. No one teased nor bullied me. I had such great friends whom until now, are still my friends.

Later on, I transferred to another school which was closer to the house. It was my first time to be in a co-ed school. The school kind of reminded me of the first school i have been coz no one wanted to hang out with me or speak with me coz they thought i was like the other deaf student who couldn't talk clearly. Until i proved to them i was different by being one of the top students in class and by doing a lot of recitations. Academically, i was great. I even joined certain competitions such as Science and Spelling. Eventually, i gained friends. Danielle became my best friend until she moved back to the US. I had to be transferred to another school when the school started using the money that was for salary of teachers, for a piece of land. The corruption was so too much for everyone in that school. Only a few got to stay and most transferred. I was thankful i transferred coz it was shithole.

In the middle of the year, i transferred back to a different PAREF school. That PAREF school was fairly new and had to be held back a year coz they didn't have the level i was on. Everyone was friendly. Of course, the usual teasing and insulting is there but disappeared later on. I wasn't happy in the beginning. It took me a year to be happy and comfortable in that school. The teachers were great and very supportive of my needs. They always paid attention to me during discussions and making sure that I have understood them well. To be honest, i didn't like being treated differently or be treated as if i was a charity case but at some point i do have to be grateful for it that they actually care. It was much better than walking to you and asking how i am or just by being passive. The care i got was much more than passive, it was actually helping me.

Going to a university was difficult for me. At this point, i never thought of myself as a special person. I felt like I was actually just like everyone else. At the university, the challenge was greater in a sense that there are more students, the professors have different attitude and it was a faster pace. I was able to overcome it all just like everyone else.

Finding a job is very difficult for me. While studying, i have worked and earned money apart from allowances but the companies i've worked for are my parents's friends company. So it was easy for me. I left my last work to focus on thesis and have proper career growth for my last semester in school. AFter studying, i went to find jobs but quite a lot keeps questioning me about my hearing problem. Only a few good companies don't really mind it and thought i was good enough for them until an opportunity to do more in another country came. I decided to accept it. Hopefully, by having more exposure would be better for me.

The worst thing that was told to me in reference of my being deaf was, "I can never be good for anyone because i'm just deaf." I hoped it was a joke. I've had a few relationships but were not as serious. These few people have accepted me for who i am but eventually it didn't work out. I've had fears over the years of being alone, not being accepted into a society where everyone is better but i am with someone who made me feel better about it. Helped me boost my confidence and so on.

Oftentimes, i would hear deaf jokes. It is offensive at some point. Some thinks it's good to laugh at who we are but for some, it's a sensitive topic to be even be considered as a joke. When this happens to me, it's either i ignore and just laugh it out a little out of respect for them or just simply tell them that it's not her fault she didn't understand it. But when i do tell them that, they act defensive saying it's just a joke. There is nothing I or the deaf world can do about these things. After all, we are only considered as a minority by non-deaf people. To them, we are too different.

Not many people understand what it's like to have a physical disability. Some thinks that wearing a hearing aid is like wearing an eyeglass/specs that automatically corrects what's wrong. It takes years for one to get used to the hearing through experience and training. Especially, switching to a new hearing aid that needs to be reprogrammed every now and then. Until now, i depend on lip reading.

I am thankful that i was raised to be as normal as possible, and that I was able to experience and overcome my fears. As well as learning to not bottle up emotions and being able to speak out my thoughts and not let my disability impede what i want to achieve in life.