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Soundwaves... Confessions of a Deaf Person

In 1983, there were no ultrasound yet if there is then it was not widely known yet in the philippines. On the day I was born, I could not come out the normal way and that caesarian was the option. It turned out that the umbilical cord was wrapped around my body and neck. After taking me out, the doctor have said i'm fine and healthy.

I was sitting on the foot of my grandfather's bed, watching tv when he was calling me. I wouldn't respond.

I was sitting on my mother's lap in a car when she was calling me and I wouldn't respond.

I have been told that similar situtations have happened often and that it took 3 doctors to find out what was wrong with me. The first 2 doctors have said that I am autistic but my grandfather and my father disagreed. The 3rd doctor have said that I may not be autistic and so referred me to an otologist. It was in 1986 that I was discovered deaf by Dr. Carlos Reyes through several tests. Also the first time that I wore hearing aids. I never asked what my parents reaction was but all I know is that they have done everything they could for me to be as normal as possible.

My parents would often question why i was able to say words before i learnt to listen/hear. I would be able to say, "water", "milk" etc but never in a sentence. Dr. Carlos Reyes have mentioned that I may have heard sounds through soundwaves. Especially, when my mother would read a book aloud and i would lie on her shoulder, i was able to hear a bit.

I was a happy child growing up. I hung mostly with my grandparents, uncles and a mixed breed dog named Rambo. My parents sent me to a speech therapist named Julie to help me speak in sentence and "hear" words or letters. From them on, I became fluent in speaking. My parents wanted me to go to a normal school but only one school was able to accept me however, because i was 6 that time and they can only accept 7 year olds, despite the fact that school starts in june and my birthday is in august, they wanted me to wait one more year to enter. So we did. At that time, i met Francis Kaye, who was a neighbor and we became best friends. I also met other kids but were way older than me. I remember a marco, alan and cecile who would babysit me on days my yaya (nanny) or parents aren't around. I remember going to their houses and would have lunch or dinner and then just hang around. They were practically like family to me. Francis Kay was my partner in crime when we were kids. We were never the type who would play barbie dolls but would play active games that would make you sweat and/or bleed from tripping.

After a year, i finally went to a private school. I was so nervous but at the same time excited. There was a school bus who would go to the house and pick me and my yaya up and take us to school and back home. I met great people in that school but later on, they would start to tease me and bully me for either not hearing them or misunderstand a word they are saying. They would call me "Bingi" which means Deaf. They call me that instead of my name. I didn't like it but i felt alone there. The only people who would understand me and help me were some teachers. I remember Sister Edith. She was my teacher in General Conduct and Religion. She often talks to me and ask how i am and would always tell me to continue standing strong despite students insulting me. I was never happy in that school, always angry and was always afraid of speaking but i did well in class. Well not all subjects... just those that I am good at.

Every summer, i would attend speech classes. I was put into a class where everyone cannot speak well and uses sign language as their medium of communication. I was left alone and was very bored coz i always perfect every exercises and didn't know sign language to talk to anyone in that class. I did play on occasion with Philip and others but their yaya's would translate to me what they are saying. Teacher Julie, decided to pull me out of class and give a one on one session instead. I don't know why my parents don't want me to learn sign language but thinking about it, i would want to learn.

We moved to a bigger house and i met new friends. They were all good to me and we played and hung around almost everyday. They would ask me about my hearing problem but i was a bit uncomfortable talking about it but eventually, i understood that it is not something they understand and so, by sharing with them my experience, they would, at some point, understand. My friends in this village where my family moved in, have always treated me as normal as possible. I remember that after school, i was happy to see them as they never teased me or bully me for being deaf. Up to this day, we are good friends still.

Few years later, a very good teacher of mine told my mum about me being called deaf and being teased about it. My mother confronted me and asked me about it. I was scared that i just wrote her a card. She then complained to the principal and transferred me to an exclusive private school, one of the PAREF schools. That school at first didn't want to accept me in the beginning because of my deafness but my mother defended me saying that i am as normal as other students. I play tennis and other sports, i listen to music, read, do art and so on. I guess the principal felt bad that they decided to accept me. I was again, nervous.

School started and i was introduced in front of the class. Everyone was really good to me and helpful. They were told about my disability during introduction. They asked questions and i guess talking about it to people who have no idea what it's like felt good. They all called me by my first name. No one teased nor bullied me. I had such great friends whom until now, are still my friends.

Later on, I transferred to another school which was closer to the house. It was my first time to be in a co-ed school. The school kind of reminded me of the first school i have been coz no one wanted to hang out with me or speak with me coz they thought i was like the other deaf student who couldn't talk clearly. Until i proved to them i was different by being one of the top students in class and by doing a lot of recitations. Academically, i was great. I even joined certain competitions such as Science and Spelling. Eventually, i gained friends. Danielle became my best friend until she moved back to the US. I had to be transferred to another school when the school started using the money that was for salary of teachers, for a piece of land. The corruption was so too much for everyone in that school. Only a few got to stay and most transferred. I was thankful i transferred coz it was shithole.

In the middle of the year, i transferred back to a different PAREF school. That PAREF school was fairly new and had to be held back a year coz they didn't have the level i was on. Everyone was friendly. Of course, the usual teasing and insulting is there but disappeared later on. I wasn't happy in the beginning. It took me a year to be happy and comfortable in that school. The teachers were great and very supportive of my needs. They always paid attention to me during discussions and making sure that I have understood them well. To be honest, i didn't like being treated differently or be treated as if i was a charity case but at some point i do have to be grateful for it that they actually care. It was much better than walking to you and asking how i am or just by being passive. The care i got was much more than passive, it was actually helping me.

Going to a university was difficult for me. At this point, i never thought of myself as a special person. I felt like I was actually just like everyone else. At the university, the challenge was greater in a sense that there are more students, the professors have different attitude and it was a faster pace. I was able to overcome it all just like everyone else.

Finding a job is very difficult for me. While studying, i have worked and earned money apart from allowances but the companies i've worked for are my parents's friends company. So it was easy for me. I left my last work to focus on thesis and have proper career growth for my last semester in school. AFter studying, i went to find jobs but quite a lot keeps questioning me about my hearing problem. Only a few good companies don't really mind it and thought i was good enough for them until an opportunity to do more in another country came. I decided to accept it. Hopefully, by having more exposure would be better for me.

The worst thing that was told to me in reference of my being deaf was, "I can never be good for anyone because i'm just deaf." I hoped it was a joke. I've had a few relationships but were not as serious. These few people have accepted me for who i am but eventually it didn't work out. I've had fears over the years of being alone, not being accepted into a society where everyone is better but i am with someone who made me feel better about it. Helped me boost my confidence and so on.

Oftentimes, i would hear deaf jokes. It is offensive at some point. Some thinks it's good to laugh at who we are but for some, it's a sensitive topic to be even be considered as a joke. When this happens to me, it's either i ignore and just laugh it out a little out of respect for them or just simply tell them that it's not her fault she didn't understand it. But when i do tell them that, they act defensive saying it's just a joke. There is nothing I or the deaf world can do about these things. After all, we are only considered as a minority by non-deaf people. To them, we are too different.

Not many people understand what it's like to have a physical disability. Some thinks that wearing a hearing aid is like wearing an eyeglass/specs that automatically corrects what's wrong. It takes years for one to get used to the hearing through experience and training. Especially, switching to a new hearing aid that needs to be reprogrammed every now and then. Until now, i depend on lip reading.

I am thankful that i was raised to be as normal as possible, and that I was able to experience and overcome my fears. As well as learning to not bottle up emotions and being able to speak out my thoughts and not let my disability impede what i want to achieve in life.

Battle of Halo Halo

One of my favorite filipino snacks is Halo Halo. Halo Halo is a mix of sweet preserved beans, macapuno (coconut sport), leche flan (custard), purple yam (ube), sweet potato, sweet corn kernels, sweet banana, tapioca and topped with shaved ice and milk. Some even top it with ice cream. Hence the name Halo, which means Mix in filipino. Over the years, i've tried halo halo from different places and my top three choices were Chowking's Halo Halo, Razon's Halo Halo and Jurado's Halo Halo.

Chowking's Halo Halo is as traditional as it can be. The taste is soo filipino and the sweetness is just right. I like the fact that Chowking will give a small container filled with milk for consumers to adjust it according to their taste.

Razon's Halo Halo is very different in a sense that they put more macapuno in it and the ice shavings are very fine which makes it easier to eat.

Jurado's Halo Halo is the most unique of all. I have tasted Jurado's Halo Halo in Pampanga on way home from a hike at Mt. Arayat. According to the locals, Jurado's Halo Halo is more popular and better than Razon's. When I tried it, I was amazed at the texture of the beans. In fact, you won't even see the beans. It was actually all the sweet beans mashed with Leche Flan and it looks like a jam. Then topped it with Macapuno balls and has a surprise of pastillas de leche. The ice was not as fine as i would like it to be tho. But it was sooo good. Among all halo halos i've tried this is the best. I just wish the ice were as fine as that of Razon's but it's good enough. Jurado's Halo Halo is a must try for everyone.

Mt. Arayat Hike

I was supposed to wake up at 3am but instead, woke up at 4 and left at 430am. The night before, i was excited but at the same time thinking if i made the right choice coz it was my first time to hike. By 7am, we arrived at Mt. Arayat, Pampanga and when i saw the mountain, i thought that it wasn't as steep as it should be and we have been told that it's a good place to hike for beginners as it's classified as Level 2 climb.

The picture above was just the beginning of the hike. It looks easy suuuurree but let's see how it goes later on.

This is mount arayat from the bottom.

Still from the bottom of the mountain.

On the way up to 1/4th of the mountain, we have been resting every 15-20 minutes. I was shocked at how humongous the mosquitos are and how pesky they are and we've been told by the guide that they don't carry malaria or dengue. I wondered why they were awake on broad daylight. If you plan to hike on this mountain, bring mosquito repellant but i don't think that it will be as effective as it should coz you will be sweating the whole time ergo attracting mosquitos. Going up is actually a cardiac workout. Your heart will start pounding at every step you make, will have chest constrictions and everything feels soo heavy. Resting is a must and the weather helps since it was still early, the wind was cool and a bit cloudy. Thank god we bought like 100 bottles of water and loads of gatorade.

still going up

By this time, the way keeps getting steeper and steeper that we'd rest every 5 minutes.



It was around 830am when i took the picture above and mind you, we've only gone up 1/4th of the mountain. Still a long way to go and i am soo tired and my whole shirt is drenched in sweat. It is advisable to wear long sleeves (keep cloth as thin as possible) as there are branches that can scratch you and mosquitos, ants (as in really big black and red ants) and spiders that can bite you.



I actually felt like giving up coz on the picture above, you'll see how steep it is and later, it will be even more steep. Not to mention being on all fours and climbing rocks. Everyone started asking, how are we supposed to go back?? It was scary.

Unbelievable smog! Lol actually in these pictures, it looks like smog but up there, it's actually clouds and still early in the morning. Bring camera coz if you're too shy or ashamed to take a break when everyone is on the go, taking pictures is a good excuse for you to stop

Pictures above are of me being soo stroppy. All the while i kept saying to myself, i should have never done this!

Oh dear! More obstacles comes are way and they aren't getting better!

Oh my god the rocks! Climbing them is easy but think about how to go down that effing huge rock!

Finally at the viewing deck!

Oh my god I really wanted to stop and turn back lol. I started to get hungry around 1030am. We were supposed to go to the viewing deck of the mountain and i expected a big place with railings and stuff but it was actually just a big boulder. All 15 of us squeezed in. It took us 4 hours to get to that viewing deck. The viewing deck was about 2 more hours away from the very top. We decided to eat at the viewing deck. I had my pan-fried salmon while everyone had tocino, longganisa and red egg with huge amount rice wrapped on banana leaves. The view in the viewing deck was really beautiful. So, this is the longest break we've had lol. An hour and a half break compared to 15 minute break each work out.

Going down was really scary. It was "slippery" considering the ground was too dry and too many dried leaves. Thank god that I had a really good balancing stick i found on the way up and it was very helpful.

Going down was as challenging as going up but not as tiring.

It took us about 4 hours to go down with only 4 rests compared to going up, we've had like maybe over 100 rests lol. It was about 330pm when i took the photos above. IT was about 1/4th of the mountain from the bottom. Try comparing the photo above from the earlier ones i took at about 830am. This time, sun is up and it's hot but the wind is still cool. On way down, because of so much pressure i put on my toes, my shoe broke. The cleats/soles had to be removed and while walking, the shoe finally had holes underneath that sands and sharp stuff keeps going in my shoe. Well what can i say, it's a sacrifice i'm willing to make just to get back to the comfort of my own home.

The whole experience was new to me. I've never been on a hike before and I think i did a good job at it. At the end of the hike, i feel like i've achieved so much. Sure it was tiring, hot, and obviously wake up the next day with a very sore body but rewards are priceless. This is definitely a once in a lifetime opportunity.

My Dogs

Jack, Milo and Lily are my kids and i love them so much. Lily and Milo are basset hounds (hush puppies for those who don't know) and Jack is a sharpei. I got lily 4 years ago from a well-respected breeder. It was a few months after my 2 Basset Hounds, Harry and Sally, died from the dog food poisoning caused by factory mishap of pedigree. Lily was such a sweet dog from the first day i saw her at the breeder's shop. She was only 4 months old that time. When my family arrived at the breeder's place, she was one of those puppies who came up to me and turned over to have their tummies petted. However, it was her unique spot on her head that made me get her. Harry had a unique spot on his head too so i thought it was because of that that i felt a connection with lily. A year later, I wanted lily to give birth however I didn't have a male dog so i looked for a stud. That's when I met Milo.He was 1 1/2 years when i got him. The picture the person sent me showed that milo was good looking and well. However when i finally saw him, he was so frail and had a cherry eye. I asked the breeder why he's so frail and thin and what his eye was. The owner said that he couldn't afford to feed him and that he has no time to take care of him. Then I went to the owner's house. I was surprised at the state of environment milo had to stay in. He was staying in a very small cage, no water and no space to move at all. Also, I didn't like the way the owner treated Milo. Seeing him shove and "throw" Milo to the cage was enough so I decided to wager. I told him I will get him for a small fee. After convincing him, he agreed to sell him to me for just 5,000 pesos. ORiginally it was 10,000 pesos but i wanted to make sure he was healthy enough to be with lily so i deducted the rest from the amount. ACcording to the vet, he suffered from kidney infection, cherry eye which would be surgically fixed, ear infection and slight anemia because of ticks and fleas. He had everything fixed except for his eye. His first few days at the house, he was so quiet and so nervous. I had to make sure that I'm going to be there for him and care for him. Few days later, he got used to the surrounding and all then have finally introduced him to my dog, lily. They both got on well. It was great seeing Lily have someone to play with. When I looked at milo's certificate, i saw that he was related to my other basset hound, Harry. I felt a bit sentimental coz Harry was one of the best dogs i have ever had. Jack on the other hand, was the dog my dad fell in love with when we went to tiendesitas. He was a beautiful chocolate brown wrinkled puppy. He has the same loud snore like my dad.


The two basset hounds get along fine but Jack, he thinks he's the top dog and always taunt and pick on a fight with the two basset hounds. Because of the fights they have had with each other, we had to separate the basset hounds from jack. Their fights were so scary that they would have open wounds and lots of blood. The vet said not to worry because with their breed, they heal really quick especially for the sharpei. However, the bassets takes a while to heal.

I love walking the dogs however, my problem with milo is that he pulls. Milo was the toughest to train. Milo doesn't have the ability to respond well to commands. Lily and Jack knows how to obey. Jack on the other hand has separation anxiety. He whines and wrecks the door whenever someone in the family comes on. Sometimes, when i step outside to smoke, he would whine and wreck the door. One time, i let him out with me. He just sat there right beside me and would go around from time to time. He's kinda like my bodyguard lol. However, when milo and lily comes to greet me, jack protects me from them by distracting them with his barking and biting. Until to this day, I have no idea how to solve that. So for now, separation is the answer. Lily on the other hand, is such a sweet dog. Whenever one of us rides the car, she would try to hop in to come with us. But she's also very intelligent. She knows not when to stay in the way of cars and when to go out of the gate by herself. For two consecutive dog walks, I would put milo on a leash while lily is offleash and lily is sooo good off the leash. She would just follow us whereever we would go. I just call her attention when i need to then she would come running to me. Of course with numerous praises for her good behaviour. When there are dogs, she would bark but just calling her name, also milo, and then say no would stop them from doing that. It amazed me seeing them so behaved and responsive. I am just so lucky i have dogs like them. Despite them jumping like crazy and their nails scratching our legs lol.

My partner has a dog which she shares custody with her ex. I call them my step-dogs lol. Charlie is a westie and Maggie is a designer dog (collie and jack russell). Both are lovely dogs and very obedient. I like the fact that if imogen catches them doing something bad, they know that it is bad and they feel guilty about it by hiding under the chair. Wonder how she did it lol.

Anyway, that's all for now. I must walk the dogs and see if lily will still be on her good behaviour. I hope it'll be consistent. Having two strong male dogs who constantly pulls is breaking my arm.

UK 2007

Last June I went to the UK to visit my gf for a month. This was my first trip to Europe and of course without my parents lol. Anyway, It took me more than hour to get out of the heathrow airport. Thanks to the (not sounding like a racist) the middle east people!They Don't even know how to line up! Although I heard from a close friend of mine that the germans too don't know how to line up. I guess it's a pretty general thing. anyway, after more than an hour of the people who doesn't know how to line up and taking the piss, i finally met up with imogen at the airport. It was really great seeing her there waiting for me. I gushed when she kissed me in public lol. First thing i said to her was that i need to smoke lol. The plane ride was horrible.

Travel Tip: If you're traveling alone, don't get the window seat, or else you'll be bothering the person beside you when you want to go to the bathroom or stretch

anyway, after the smoke, we went to her place and i met the dogs for the first time. Charlie and maggie are soo adorable. Seeing them made me miss my dogs in manila. So I went to take a shower while imogen, got some fish and chips take aways. We stayed in for the night coz i was so tired from the plane ride. So we hung out, watched tv and tried catching up on the things we missed. Oh of course, due to jetlag, i prodded her to wakey at 3am lol. This lasted for a couple of days only.


Next day, Imogen drove me to the church called St. james catholic church for my obligatory sunday masses. The service i attended made me wonder if it was really catholic. It was the first time seeing the priest use white wine instead of red. Also, first time seeing first communion and confirmation done during the offertory. And no Apostle's Creed after homily. I thought that the people in the church were very noisy. Quite a lot of the ladies were ogling at how cute the babies are. I wonder why the parish priest didn't do anything about it. After the mass, Imogen picked me up and went back to her place. She had to go to work while i stay at the house and dog sit. So I stayed at the place, ate, watched tv, cleaned up the house, the dishes, oh and laundry. I was that bored lol. So I waited till imogen came back.

Imogen took me to Epsom Downe, drove me around the area. Went shopping at the TK MAxx which i enjoyed so much. We had great lunch at the Wetherspoons. We went to the river thames in surrey and had lunch at the cabbage and slug restaurant. Took piccies and walked around the place. It was freezing cold but for them, it was warm.

We went to chessington park to get the annual pass. Imogen, being such an adorable kid, tried every ride in the theme park.

Few days later, we went to Brighton, Sussex. I loved brighton so much that i asked imogen if we can go back there. I tried cockles and loved it. In fact, when we went to sainsbury, we got pickled cockles in a small bottle. It was lovely. Then we had fish and chips at the brighton pier. By the way, i loved the fish and chips that i had three in my first few days there.

On my 2nd week, We went to London by train via Waterloo Station and walked to London Eye. First few minutes of London eye was fun and it was great seeing the whole london. However, when we were on the top, it was effing scary. I couldn't move. I had to sit down while imogen, left me alone in my misery and took pictures of places. Thank god for my London Eye booklet guide lol. I was able to take pictures despite the legs getting in the way.

After the eye, we walked around the jubilee garden and then we crossed the jubilee bridge and had lunch at one of the cafe's there. We walked around some more then had to go back for the dogs.

It was also on my 2nd week that I met Imogen's parents for the first time. I was so nervous. I've never met the parents of my partner and i was being introduced as a gf not as a friend so it was different. They were very nice and warm.

We went to thorpe park, another theme park. It was the adult version of chessington park. The rides were intense, faster and scarier.

It was also when the UK was celebrating the birthday of the Queen. We weren't able to go to the trooping of the colours because of the rain but i was able to catch a glimpse of the planes flying over london and "smoking" out colors representing the flag of UK.

In my 3rd week of stay, Imogen and I drove all the way to staffordshire and went to Alton. It was really nice there. lush greeneries, wonderful gardens, the castle/tower oh and not to forget the theme park, alton towers. the theme park was awesome. full of scary, more intense and faster rides. It was so scary that most rides have this don't-look-down-or-don't-open-your-eyes-or-you'll-die-feeling.

Anyway back in surrey, imogen and i went to london to meet up with her friends. we had lunch and i just sat and listened to them talk. They talk a lot and knowing that they don't see each other often, i just let them catch up with each other. AFter lunch we went to the covent garden and shopped around.

Imogen took me to soho and it was my first time to see a place packed with gay men. It was fun lol. then we went to chinatown and i don't remember what happened after lol.

anyway, for the rest of my stay, we went to leicester square, picadilly circus, regent's park and had a huge lunch with mum's friend mrs. egan, st. james park.. erm pardon me i'm struggling hard to remember lol. anyway i will edit this later on when imogen comes online so she can help me refresh my memory lol.

Anyway, my last week was depressing. I knew the time i had to leave her sometime and it was painful. At the airport, we couldn't stop crying. I hope that my next trip to visit her would be final. no more separating.