Soundwaves... Confessions of a Deaf Person

In 1983, there were no ultrasound yet if there is then it was not widely known yet in the philippines. On the day I was born, I could not come out the normal way and that caesarian was the option. It turned out that the umbilical cord was wrapped around my body and neck. After taking me out, the doctor have said i'm fine and healthy.

I was sitting on the foot of my grandfather's bed, watching tv when he was calling me. I wouldn't respond.

I was sitting on my mother's lap in a car when she was calling me and I wouldn't respond.

I have been told that similar situtations have happened often and that it took 3 doctors to find out what was wrong with me. The first 2 doctors have said that I am autistic but my grandfather and my father disagreed. The 3rd doctor have said that I may not be autistic and so referred me to an otologist. It was in 1986 that I was discovered deaf by Dr. Carlos Reyes through several tests. Also the first time that I wore hearing aids. I never asked what my parents reaction was but all I know is that they have done everything they could for me to be as normal as possible.

My parents would often question why i was able to say words before i learnt to listen/hear. I would be able to say, "water", "milk" etc but never in a sentence. Dr. Carlos Reyes have mentioned that I may have heard sounds through soundwaves. Especially, when my mother would read a book aloud and i would lie on her shoulder, i was able to hear a bit.

I was a happy child growing up. I hung mostly with my grandparents, uncles and a mixed breed dog named Rambo. My parents sent me to a speech therapist named Julie to help me speak in sentence and "hear" words or letters. From them on, I became fluent in speaking. My parents wanted me to go to a normal school but only one school was able to accept me however, because i was 6 that time and they can only accept 7 year olds, despite the fact that school starts in june and my birthday is in august, they wanted me to wait one more year to enter. So we did. At that time, i met Francis Kaye, who was a neighbor and we became best friends. I also met other kids but were way older than me. I remember a marco, alan and cecile who would babysit me on days my yaya (nanny) or parents aren't around. I remember going to their houses and would have lunch or dinner and then just hang around. They were practically like family to me. Francis Kay was my partner in crime when we were kids. We were never the type who would play barbie dolls but would play active games that would make you sweat and/or bleed from tripping.

After a year, i finally went to a private school. I was so nervous but at the same time excited. There was a school bus who would go to the house and pick me and my yaya up and take us to school and back home. I met great people in that school but later on, they would start to tease me and bully me for either not hearing them or misunderstand a word they are saying. They would call me "Bingi" which means Deaf. They call me that instead of my name. I didn't like it but i felt alone there. The only people who would understand me and help me were some teachers. I remember Sister Edith. She was my teacher in General Conduct and Religion. She often talks to me and ask how i am and would always tell me to continue standing strong despite students insulting me. I was never happy in that school, always angry and was always afraid of speaking but i did well in class. Well not all subjects... just those that I am good at.

Every summer, i would attend speech classes. I was put into a class where everyone cannot speak well and uses sign language as their medium of communication. I was left alone and was very bored coz i always perfect every exercises and didn't know sign language to talk to anyone in that class. I did play on occasion with Philip and others but their yaya's would translate to me what they are saying. Teacher Julie, decided to pull me out of class and give a one on one session instead. I don't know why my parents don't want me to learn sign language but thinking about it, i would want to learn.

We moved to a bigger house and i met new friends. They were all good to me and we played and hung around almost everyday. They would ask me about my hearing problem but i was a bit uncomfortable talking about it but eventually, i understood that it is not something they understand and so, by sharing with them my experience, they would, at some point, understand. My friends in this village where my family moved in, have always treated me as normal as possible. I remember that after school, i was happy to see them as they never teased me or bully me for being deaf. Up to this day, we are good friends still.

Few years later, a very good teacher of mine told my mum about me being called deaf and being teased about it. My mother confronted me and asked me about it. I was scared that i just wrote her a card. She then complained to the principal and transferred me to an exclusive private school, one of the PAREF schools. That school at first didn't want to accept me in the beginning because of my deafness but my mother defended me saying that i am as normal as other students. I play tennis and other sports, i listen to music, read, do art and so on. I guess the principal felt bad that they decided to accept me. I was again, nervous.

School started and i was introduced in front of the class. Everyone was really good to me and helpful. They were told about my disability during introduction. They asked questions and i guess talking about it to people who have no idea what it's like felt good. They all called me by my first name. No one teased nor bullied me. I had such great friends whom until now, are still my friends.

Later on, I transferred to another school which was closer to the house. It was my first time to be in a co-ed school. The school kind of reminded me of the first school i have been coz no one wanted to hang out with me or speak with me coz they thought i was like the other deaf student who couldn't talk clearly. Until i proved to them i was different by being one of the top students in class and by doing a lot of recitations. Academically, i was great. I even joined certain competitions such as Science and Spelling. Eventually, i gained friends. Danielle became my best friend until she moved back to the US. I had to be transferred to another school when the school started using the money that was for salary of teachers, for a piece of land. The corruption was so too much for everyone in that school. Only a few got to stay and most transferred. I was thankful i transferred coz it was shithole.

In the middle of the year, i transferred back to a different PAREF school. That PAREF school was fairly new and had to be held back a year coz they didn't have the level i was on. Everyone was friendly. Of course, the usual teasing and insulting is there but disappeared later on. I wasn't happy in the beginning. It took me a year to be happy and comfortable in that school. The teachers were great and very supportive of my needs. They always paid attention to me during discussions and making sure that I have understood them well. To be honest, i didn't like being treated differently or be treated as if i was a charity case but at some point i do have to be grateful for it that they actually care. It was much better than walking to you and asking how i am or just by being passive. The care i got was much more than passive, it was actually helping me.

Going to a university was difficult for me. At this point, i never thought of myself as a special person. I felt like I was actually just like everyone else. At the university, the challenge was greater in a sense that there are more students, the professors have different attitude and it was a faster pace. I was able to overcome it all just like everyone else.

Finding a job is very difficult for me. While studying, i have worked and earned money apart from allowances but the companies i've worked for are my parents's friends company. So it was easy for me. I left my last work to focus on thesis and have proper career growth for my last semester in school. AFter studying, i went to find jobs but quite a lot keeps questioning me about my hearing problem. Only a few good companies don't really mind it and thought i was good enough for them until an opportunity to do more in another country came. I decided to accept it. Hopefully, by having more exposure would be better for me.

The worst thing that was told to me in reference of my being deaf was, "I can never be good for anyone because i'm just deaf." I hoped it was a joke. I've had a few relationships but were not as serious. These few people have accepted me for who i am but eventually it didn't work out. I've had fears over the years of being alone, not being accepted into a society where everyone is better but i am with someone who made me feel better about it. Helped me boost my confidence and so on.

Oftentimes, i would hear deaf jokes. It is offensive at some point. Some thinks it's good to laugh at who we are but for some, it's a sensitive topic to be even be considered as a joke. When this happens to me, it's either i ignore and just laugh it out a little out of respect for them or just simply tell them that it's not her fault she didn't understand it. But when i do tell them that, they act defensive saying it's just a joke. There is nothing I or the deaf world can do about these things. After all, we are only considered as a minority by non-deaf people. To them, we are too different.

Not many people understand what it's like to have a physical disability. Some thinks that wearing a hearing aid is like wearing an eyeglass/specs that automatically corrects what's wrong. It takes years for one to get used to the hearing through experience and training. Especially, switching to a new hearing aid that needs to be reprogrammed every now and then. Until now, i depend on lip reading.

I am thankful that i was raised to be as normal as possible, and that I was able to experience and overcome my fears. As well as learning to not bottle up emotions and being able to speak out my thoughts and not let my disability impede what i want to achieve in life.

stupidity, ignorance or what?

Most of the workers in the Philippines are either stupid or uneducated. The past week i have dealt with electricians, the security guards, public transportation driver, maids and grocery service.

Let's start with the electrician. The first one who arrived to the house to check on the water heater and wirings seems to be very good. In fact, he checked the electricity with his tool and has even given us not only a quote but also what the problem is. However, my dad thought he should get a 2nd opinion because the solution the first one suggested seems complicated because it involves changing wires, rearranging wires blah blah. Couple of days later, another electrician came over. The odd thing was he went to the heater, and just wrote down what we have said yet gave us quote without even bothering to check if it has power or not and in fact what he said was the opposite of what the previous electrician has said. Well.. it's up to my dad to decide on what is believable or not.

Next is the security guards, in our village, when someone comes. Whether it's relatives or a messenger, they would call the house the person is going to give clearance to their entries. The past week, my mother had a lunch meeting at the house with other guests and has given the list to the security guards to allow their entry without calling the house. However, even with the list, they kept calling the house. 2nd, there was a car who they had to stop because of no sticker and so we had to wait. Wouldn't it be logical for them to allow us to enter (with sticker) to the other side of the gate when it's not being used?

Public transportation drivers.. ah the worst of all. the ones who belches dirt and pollutes the air... the one that makes you cough when you're walking the dogs in a very nice park. Also, the ones that drives you crazy when they are mindlessly and heartlessly driving in the city. I think that these drivers should take a retest. They have no idea what right of way means. They cut in when they are not supposed to. The cabs, even if there is a rule (tho i've heard some say, law) that they cannot reject any passengers at all, they reject them because their excuse is that it's traffic. Don't they know that they cause traffic because of how they drive? 2nd, the cabs never gives change and sometimes ask for an extra 50 pesos because of the traffic. 3rd, they complain about the traffic saying we should pass this way blah blah despite the orders of the client. 4th, they should respect the client because they are getting paid based on the meter. All these public transport also irritates others because they stop in the middle of nowhere because of a passenger. It could be because the passenger is there or there's no bus/jeep/taxi stop. If there is a stop, then they should stop where they are legal to do so to get passengers. Otherwise, there'll be accidents and traffics. The passengers too should also be disciplined to go to a stop to get their rides. Also, is it legal for cabs to have more than 1 passenger with different destinations? I mean they are not the bus nor the jeepneys. Cabs should only have passenger/s going to the same direction. It is great that we have a bus lane but what is irritating is that they go out of the bus lane so they could go in front of who ever is in front of them. If we private drivers cannot go to the bus lanes, then it should be the same for the bus. They should bear their own traffic as well as we do with ours.

The maids. We got our maids from the province and they work good. Of course the problem is that they can't understand filipino language that there's always miscommunication. The older one, Thelma, seems to be very lazy as she only do is ironing while watching tv. At least she's working but she hardly helps. In fact, whenever any one of us do something she just stands there and talks. It's irritating coz she never helps. She's even scared of the dogs. It's ok if they have phobia but if the dog isn't doing anything to them and we even agreed to have them tied during the day so they can be comfortable and all.. they still feel scared! However, Loni, the other maid takes initiative and never rest even when we tell her to. She just keeps cleaning and in fact i was surprised that she overcame her fear of dogs. She even joins me when i walk the dogs and it surprises me how she gets along with milo lol. Today, the most stupid thing happened wsa that mum left both of them instructions. Thelma had ot be present because she understands filipino more than loni. Mum wrapped the three meats with cling wrap so they can put it in the freezer and the other marinated in barbecue roasted and at the same time, cooking the marinade to make it into a sauce. Loni, did not put the three wrapped meat in the freezer and didn't proceed to do the sauce of the barbecue. Instead she put one meat wrapped in cling wrap in the roasting pan and when mum came home she freaked out! I would to if i saw it but this time, it's not anymore about language barrier but it's about stupidity. Who would cook with plastic? If they know not to use plastic int he microwave, why do it in roasting? AFter that, I noticed that they forgot to lock the door on their side and i had to check who's outside before locking so i called out. Both came out and asked why the door was unlocked. The thing was we just came home and no one opened the gate for us. One maid said that she went out and i was like, if you went out why didn't you open the gate. She said she didn't know. Anyway, i'm sure each household has had experiences with the maids. Our maids are so hard to feed. All they want is the sardines in tomato sauce in can or any boiled food. So whatever food we cook, paella, pasta etc.. they won't eat. Although i'm surprised they like the food i cook lol healthy veggies. Mmmm.. I pity the maids actually. They were brought to the city and for the first time they are experiencing technology used in houses here in the city. Also, they don't have common sense at all because they weren't educated. They don't have the same things we do at their province. Patience is the only way here. IF they are helping us in home service, we should also help them not only financially but also in terms of how one should think and all without degrading them.

Grocery service... the most inneficient. I don't understand why the management would allow small jobs such as baggers when they work so inneficiently. Of course there is the question of unemployment in the country. The cashier should double as a bagger. What i don't like about cashiers is that, either they have to wait for a bagger before checking the items or they check in the items then when it's collected at the end that's when they start putting it in the bag. The most efficient ways are, once the cashier passes it through the laser it should go straight to the bag. The other efficient way is for the customer to put it in the bag themselves.

These are the people that i get mixed thoughts actually. Sometimes i pity them and sometimes i get so irritated because of their actions. However, we have to remember that these people are hardworking people, but not necessarily doing smartwork. They can't do smartwork at all because of lack of exposure and education. The government providing job isn't enough. There will be growing numbers of coconut heads in the philippines if education for both public and private is not strengthened and made mandatory. The most irritating thing that i always hear from these people is them saying "Wala ng pagasa kase" or "It's hopeless" but don't they know that they are not hopeless at all because after all, they are able to work and do service despite those who actually have nothing to do.

frustrated and disgusted

At least, i have two days of the week that are productive which is going to school. After my first two classes, i went to megamall which i call smellysocks mall coz that mall smells like socks. On my way to the mall, the public transportations were exhausting so much pollution and were driving terribly. There are cops assigned to man the traffic but they were just standing there and not even thinking about correcting these bad drivers. In Makati area, if you step on the pedestrian lane, cops will ticket you. They even catch those who breaks the rule. However, this only happens in Makati area. Shouldn't this be applied to the rest of the country? After all, these are general, universal rules of driving. Makati cannot be the only one disciplining society since it only covers a certain percentage of the country's population. Apart from the terrible driving, i saw a lot of people spitting on the ground and i was so disgusted. There were women also doing this. It's so horrible. They are degrading the beauty of womenhood. In CNN, I saw that china is doing the anti-spit campaign where a group of people would go after those who spat and ask them politely to wipe it and throw it in the trash and of course, explain why. It's a good and active way to help in discipling society and keeping surroundings clean. After all, we live in a society where all spaces are shared by individuals. If you know how to keep your house clean, you'll know how to throw trash when outside the house.

cravings... blame it on my monthly hormone changes

I'm craving for fish and chips.. with malt vinegar and salt.. oh ketchup too. I'm craving for pickled cockles too. oh and sushi! lol yes blame it on my monthly hormone changes...

Anyway, in the news today, i saw that china is campaigning against people spitting on the street. They would go around the city and whenever they would see someone spit, the campaigners would politely ask them to wipe their spit and put it in the trashbin nearby. Of course, explaining why they should be doing that. They even had testimonial videos of people "giving up" spitting. At least someone is doing this how i wish that someone here in manila would do that. Not only men spit but also women. I've seen uncivilized women spit and it's so horrible. Not only they are a disgrace to themselves but to the rest of the women. They've just degraded the nature of what women are.

If people can clean their house and themselves, why can't they practice it outside of their house? What happened to the saying, "if your room is not clean, then your underwear must be dirty." If that's the case then we can declare that there is no absolute civility among people living in the society. We pay taxes to help make our society better but yet, it's also us damaging the society slowly. Anyway...moving on